Scottish Fashion Awards 2010

Ah, the glitz and the glamour of The Scottish Fashion Awards. The tartan carpet and the abundance of tartan trews let us know we have arrived, and we take a seat with a long view down the carpet.

Now in its fifth year, The Scottish Fashion Awards were founded in association with Vogue.com and sponsored by Swarovski. However, the class that these two elements suggest is not in evidence tonight at the Glasgow Science Centre where the event is being held. There are models in matching black dresses that, frankly, look a lot better than some of the guests. What I’m somewhat disappointed by is that some people here haven’t dressed to flatter their figure but seem to be, in the words of Gok, trying to be “bang on trend” instead.

There’s a terrible fringed dress with studding, and one designer who shall remain nameless appears with a partner whose dress has unzipped at the back – maybe it’s supposed to be like that?

Hilary Alexander, fashion director at the Daily Telegraph and a judge tonight, appears in a dress with puff ball layering and tribal gold jewellery – not to my taste but fierce nonetheless. She’s also carrying a leopard print evening bag which, unfortunately, doesn’t complete the look.

We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Dolce and Gabanna model, David Gandy. But it’s early, and not many guests have arrived. Then suddenly we spot a Robert Pattinson-a-like in the crowd. I have to check with the press release and discover it’s Alex Gardner, a Scottish singer who has been nominated for the Scottish Icon Award. Who? None of the press seems to know who he is and he hovers about with his agent looking for an interview with...anyone I suppose, before wandering through to the bar.

More guests are beginning to arrive and I’m saddened by the number of women wearing beautiful dresses who accessorise with designer bags that do not go. Just because it’s Louis Vuitton, it doesn’t mean it looks good. Further proof that money can’t buy taste also comes in the form of a bag with diamonds encrusted in the shape of the Scottish saltire.

Eventually, in the midst of men who arrive in diamonte encrusted jeans and scuffed shoes, David Gandy appears. Sadly he is not wearing just his tightie whities but a beautifully cut black suit complete with grey silk handkerchief and silver tie clip. He is every inch the model and riding solo tonight, so there’s hope yet...

Presenter Jean Johansson appears in a beautiful yellow dress but the way she keeps tucking her hair behind her ears makes us think she’s not quite comfortable here. The same can’t be said of Taggart actor John Michie who arrives joking with his partner. He’s aged to the point that we fondly recall the days when we thought he was the “hot” one of the show.

Back to the fashion and tonight there is definitely a penchant for embellished leggings and sculptured heels. The leggings it seems are being worn in an attempt to look ‘trendy,’ giving the impression of shimmering tattoos, but are in fact hideous. The heels on the other hand are amazing, with clear plastic heels and quirky cut outs that look like terrifying to walk in.

Paoulo Nutini, later to be announced winner of Scottish Icon 2010, shows up looking suitably dishevelled and his partner Teri Brogan looks stunning in a red full length evening dress with a thick black leather belt. Then last but not least is Diana Vickers, the main performer at tonight’s event. She’s wearing a sheer shirt with a dress covered in tassels which look like they came off her grandmother’s curtains. And her shoes match.

Oh well. It’s been nice to be flies on the wall. We remove our numb bums from the seats we were rooted too and head back down the carpet. It’s the end of another bizarre night in the world of Scottish celebrity.